MeowStack #26: Muffin is a bonafide aristocat

He's a gentlecat and a scholar

and

Apr 30, 2025

MeowStack is always looking for new kitties to feature. Featured kitties are never sponsored, and we don’t charge for submissions. We just want to meet your cat! Finally, a way to give your feline overlord the respect, admiration, and worship they so obviously deserve:

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A majestic tabby cat named Muffin sits regally on a carpeted floor, exuding an air of calm superiority. Muffin's green eyes are half-closed in a relaxed, slightly judgmental gaze. Their fluffy coat features rich brown and black stripes, and a name tag dangles from the collar, catching the light. — Image source: Fantasy Self

What is your name, and why are you the most magnificent creature in the universe?

My name is Muffin, (full name Baron Muffin von Thunfisch, Earl of Milkshakes and Northumberland) and I am an erudite, eccentric Anglo-Irish aristocrat trapped in the body of a large, outrageously fluffy tawny brown mackerel tabby. I am a tastemaker, independent scholar, and hereditary member of the House of Lords.

Muffin is laying on their side on a rug, their fur is fluffy and they are looking up with a curious gaze. — Image source: Fantasy Self

How did you choose your human to be your supplicant?

I was born on her same birthday. We are both Arieses. So we were meant to be together. I had been placed in an advertisement on Craigslist, which was most embarrassing, as I am quite private, you know. But I was so small when she adopted me that her sister named me Muffin because I was, in fact, Muffin-sized. Now I am extravagantly large and unmatched in my air of distinction and poise.

Muffin is completely stretched out lying on their human’s bed, resting comfortably. — Image source: Fantasy Self

What is the most amusing way you confound your human?

I have highly sophisticated methods of data management which include selective deletions in Excel, e-mail, and other computer programmes. I also refuse to eat previously frozen fish or beef that isn’t grass-fed (truly). I have also been known to inspect the Christmas turkey while it thaws in a way my humans have told me was most unorthodox.

Muffin is sitting on a cutting board on the kitchen counter, sniffing a vase of flowers by the sink. — Image source: Fantasy Self

By what means will you inevitably achieve world domination?

I have no interest in world domination. I plan to live my exquisitely luxurious life in the charming hamlet of Sardines-Upon-Toast, in my castle, Pear Caramel, being completely unbothered. But I’m not above the occasional soupçon of political intrigue. My humans suspect I could be a double agent in MI6, thanks to my quiet paws and penchant for deleting e-mails. What they can’t confirm won’t hurt them.

Muffin is lying on a bed, her back half is twisted 180 degrees so her feet are pointing opposite the opposite direction. — Image source: Fantasy Self

What else does the world need to know about you?

I have lately taken up residence with my human’s father, because our dear Papa is in treatment for cancer. I have taken it upon myself to be his constant companion. I follow him around the house and stand guard while he naps. This is also why I was deleting so many emails off his computer. It wasn’t good for him to work so hard. He says I bring him comfort and joy. He also has an excellent wicker clothes hamper that I enjoy shredding with my toenails.