MeowStack #30: Anita Jean Schaff has the real technicolor dream coat
Like fancy cheese, she's getting better with age
MeowStack is always looking for new kitties to feature. Featured kitties are never sponsored, and we don’t charge for submissions. We just want to meet your cat! Finally, a way to give your feline overlord the respect, admiration, and worship they so obviously deserve:
What is your name, and why are you the most magnificent creature in the universe?
My name is Anita Jean Schaff. I am a two-faced (literally, not figuratively!) tortoiseshell tabby, and the most loyal cat of all time. I take extremely good care of my mother and comfort her with my presence when she is feeling down. I am 11.5 years old and become more playful and braver with every passing year.
How did you choose your human to be your supplicant?
Much of this is a blur since I chose Mother nearly 11 years ago, but my earliest memory is being picked up by Animal Control in Jersey City (side note, my mom is also from Jersey and we bonded over our expat status). I was boarding at the Yorkville ASPCA when a gawky college student came in; a strange, smelly human in a Calvin Klein dress that I would ruin by peeing on. This was my future mother, who was grieving the death of her previous cat and came into the shelter "just to look." This awkward, depressed young woman put her hand into my cage and I sniffed it, biting it softly when she didn’t immediately take it away. I was happy for the attention and saw a kindred spirit in her eyes, so I began to purr, which amazed the shelter volunteer who claimed (correctly) that I never purred for anyone else. When my cage door was closed again, I got up on my hind legs and stared out the plexiglass window, telepathically begging the young woman to come back. This seemed to melt her heart, as her face crumpled and she insisted that she simply HAD to take me home and change my name from Breezy (yuck!) to Anita (iconic).
What is the most amusing way you confound your human?
I walk around the apartment carrying a toy in my mouth, all the while meowing very loudly. This makes perfect sense and I don’t know why she’s confounded.
By what means will you inevitably achieve world domination?
Unlike most cats, I don’t want domination, simply autonomy; I want autonomy to eat all the food I want, and I want to only *barely* dominate my little brother (who will write his own bio when the time comes) because I want him to stay a worthy opponent to me. Food, play and Mommy Snuggles — who needs the world when you have those three? I leave the revolutions to the more politically minded cats, although I obviously support the redistribution of kibble. And yogurt. I LOVE YOGURT.
What else does the world need to know about you?
My personality is as beautiful as my technicolor dream coat. I spent most of my life being shy around new people, only having eyes for my mother, but I’ve gradually come out of my shell for Mother's friends and family. Like the fancy cheeses my mother eats so much of (and doesn’t share enough with me), I improve with age. Also, the world needs to know this salient fact: my mother is currently single but you CANNOT date her unless you continue to let me sleep in the bed with her. My place is spooning her butt. She needs me there; I was here first, jerk.
Anita’s human is
. Currently her substack is empty except for her boosting her friends’ posts. Anita is hoping to motivate her into actually writing her little essays on there by getting herself featured on MeowStack! (Also she is exquisitely beautiful and needs the world to know that.)
MY ANITA!!!! Sometimes I marvel at keeping her alive for 11 years, but the truth is she’s kept me alive too. Now Churro has to write his bio
I love senior cats! ❤️